Writings on the Wall

A Midnight Touch

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 13:52:05 -0500

Surprising how I haven’t got tired of calling you

late

night

Hoping for some human contact

Anything

To make me feel that I am real

I am alive

I am not alone

A single touch can bring me back

And hold me here

To the tangible world

If Anne and Francis Were to Fall in Love

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 20:54:00 -0500

With his head bent down in concentration, she analyzes his graying and balding hair

and tries to remember if it had been this way when he had courted her a year ago

his calloused, coarse hand undeniably shakes as he lifts the pen off the page

time and time again, he lifts his hand and the compulsory shaking begins

he feels her stare, tilts his head up, and smiles, looking directly at her

instead of easing her growing concern, the dark, red bags under his

wrinkled eyes give a hard-earned look of age-given contentment

and the strong, clear, deep blue that used to effortlessly pierce

her heart is densely cloudy, his thin smile of ease crinkled

at the edges, makes her severely uncomfortable

and she is frozen, unable to return the smile

she feels the subdued intensity of his love

he is tired now, always tired, tired, tired

she attempts another calculating look

he touches his wrist in pain

and she wonders

how she ever

fell in love

with him,

when she

herself

young

pretty

and

new

his house

Sat, 24 Sep 2011 19:17:00 -0500

in his bed

in his house

she asked him once

if he loved her

but she asked like a coward

in the quiet of the night

while he was falling asleep

and in either his delirium

or his negation

he didn’t answer

but remained quietly

with his back against her

and she stayed awake

unable to sleep

seeing if his breathing would change

become slower and deeper

she sat

in his bed

and listened

words in a pretty order

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 12:16:00 -0500

(after our poem session)

i instinctively want to touch you

to hold on to something real,

beyond myself

because all the words are falling away from me

glossing over me

and not sinking

surrounded by the softness

of words

falling and rising

drifting off and dissolving

they will never be

heard again

grasp this reality

this peace of the moment

and know someone else

can feel it too

My Sacrifice 4/2

Sat, 23 Jul 2011 12:59:00 -0500

The feeling

of weakness

of insecurity

of vulnerability

These are things I don’t allow myself to feel

in real life

So I allow them to creep

into

the bedroom

And I allow you

to feel

powerful

and in control

commanding

And I allow myself

to be weak,

helpless,

left completely to your will

A brief summary of our love

Mon, 04 Apr 2011 15:01:53 -0500

I kept the flowers you left on my porch

Your kind, drastic gesture of love

The purple petals of the lilies were beautiful

Unopened

I anticipated their blossoms

And slowly one by one

The insides, the stamens errect with pollen,

Fully opened

The sweet smell suffocating

Intoxicating

Attempting to lure a bee that will never come

Like a glass full to the brim with water

Another drop, another day

The mouths opening wider and the scent becoming stronger

Till one day they tipped over the edge to death

I put them on my desk and watched them die

I became accustomed to the smell

First, the pollen began to fall

No longer supported by the sticky tips

The orange-red love dust covering my desk

Staining my papers, my books

And my fingertips

I ignored the small signs of death

But then the petals began to fall

And I knew that their beauty would never be renewed

Today I finally threw the flowers out

Re-realizing that flowers in vases are worthless

Because there are never any roots to grow

Betrayal

Mon, 17 Jan 2011 23:32:46 -0600

Betrayal was where I was yesterday,

When I actually cared.

Now, all I feel is relief.

Now, I don’t have to worry about the sin that you and I committed.

The sickening feeling of emptiness

-the vacant bedside left dirty, discarded, desolate

No, you couldn’t allow me to feel that

Instead, you filled me with your hopes week after week

You choked me

Suffocated me until I believed

The only breath allotted was full of belief

Until all I could taste was faith in you and us

“Yes, things will change”

That’s more betrayal than finding you with another woman.

"I no longer love her, that is certain, but maybe I love her. Love is so short, forgetting so long...."

Mon, 13 Dec 2010 16:45:20 -0600

“

I no longer love her, that is certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms,
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer,
and these the last verses that I write for her.

”

- Pablo Neruda, The Saddest Lines (via fuckyeahneruda)

Junip - “Always”

Sat, 20 Nov 2010 16:20:16 -0600

Junip - “Always”

Grace

Sat, 13 Nov 2010 01:12:00 -0600

I’ll know my name when I hear you say it.

Because right now, my whole life lingers on the words

The syllables

That you bestow

On Me

Photo

Wed, 03 Nov 2010 21:04:04 -0500

The Epic Tragedy of Jacob Troublefield

Sat, 23 Oct 2010 16:03:00 -0500

Ramblings that will eventually become a short story/ YA novel. *fuck will be used often*

She ignored me again today. Nothing new. Still I hold out and expect something different. Most people think that if you just try hard enough, be yourself, someone will notice you. Someone that you care about and love will love you back. That’s some shit. Only a small population of the male species can be the sensitive type that I am and somehow be successful at getting a/THE girl. Yes, the movies are wrong. John Cusack would have been standing under the window of some girl who thought, “Oh, he’s really sweet, but man, this seems really clingy.” And the only reason I know about this sappy 80’s movie guy is because of her. I’m sensitive enough to watch a marathon of 80’s movies that publicly oust my kind. I wasn’t even born in the 80’s. Examples!!!!!!

John Cusack - Say Anything

16 Candles - the dorky guy

Not another Teen Movie (yeah, it’s not 80’s) - the other dorky guy

I truly believe that natural selection will gradually extinguish my kind. I am of the notebook carrying, song lyric writing, ipod-wearing boy-man subgroup. Don’t start thinking I’m some tall lanky mysterious loner guy who will sing you songs that instantly drop your panties and melt your heart. Do you know how many girls want that guy? ALL OF THEM. Fuck. Do you know how many books are about the friend who has always been there by their secret crush’s side and held her hair back as she puked? All the while knowing that she was trying to get drunk off her ass to be able to talk to a guy that isn’t you? Um… based on my experiences… let me think about this really hard for a second, none.

The truth is that if you can care about someone with your whole heart they can still always see you as friend. The truth is that you are assigned a number 1-10 of how hot you are and, naturally, likes match with likes. So, if I’m a five I will probably be with a five. People like her get with people who are the same number - an easy 8 or a possible 9. I’m not making this up. It’s science.

It’s also science that beautiful people have issues too. Sometimes weird fucking issues..

Her: How do I look?

Me: Do you want the guy point of view or the girl?

Her: Obviously the guys.

Me: That dress is hideous. You look like a fuckin carrot. It neither

shows off your ass or your tits, therefore there is no point to it

Her: Damn you’re right. I saw it in a magazine. I thought it looked good.

Me: …..

No, that was not my honest opinion. She looked hot and always looks hot, but with one word from someone else she changes her hair, her clothes, her personality. She’s not perfect and that makes me like her even more, because I am nowhere close to perfect. However, her proximity to perfect is way different from mine. I’m standing in another town while she’s having a nice candlelight dinner with it.

So those that think that we, as individuals, are capable of doing anything we want can go to hell. How the fuck can I be in control of my height, or my clothes, or my parents? I’ve been fucked from the beginning. Those people who think we can somehow maneuver ourselves through the hierarchy of high school popularity can go fuck themselves. No fucking self help book can help me with this one. Seriously, I hate those bastards that sell self-help books. Why? Because those who buy them are so unhappy with their fucked up miserable lives that the book itself is a window to an emotion that they can’t grasp. The book’s only help is that it promises help and therefore makes them feel better while they read it. “If only I think positively then I too can become a millionaire.” Then once the book is done, a minute population will actually act on it. Yes, self help means you actually have to get off your ass and start changing shit yourself. Most people self-defeat themselves before they even start.

CAPS LOCK

Sat, 23 Oct 2010 15:45:00 -0500

I WANT TO SCREAM MY HEART OUT AND ATTACK THE NEXT PERSON WHO COMES NEAR ME WITH THIS DULL NUMBER TWO PENCIL I’M HOLDING IN MY HAND. I’M TIRED, SO FUCKING TIRED OF EVERYONE. I’M TIRED OF BEING HERE. SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO CARE, BUT STILL COMPLETELY ALONE.

NO MATTER HOW JUVENILE IT SOUNDS, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS.

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE THOUGHTS IN MY MIND

I TALK AND I EXPLAIN AND ALL I GET ARE BLANK STARES

I TALK AND I EXPLAIN AND EVERYONE TELLS ME IT’S GOING TO BE ALRIGHT

IF I KNEW WHAT WAS WRONG, IF I COULD PINPOINT THE PROBLEM,

I WOULDN’T BE SO FUCKING MAD AT THE WORLD, RIGHT?

IF I KNEW OTHER PEOPLE HAD GONE THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THING AND MADE IT OUT OKAY, I WOULDN’T BE SUCH A BLACKHOLE.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I DEVOTE TO THINKING ABOUT HOW I CAN FIX MYSELF?

THEN LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.

the momentous now - four

Sat, 23 Oct 2010 15:29:31 -0500

where we tentatively linger is on the brink of complete bliss and chaos

Distopia and Eutopia coinciding in

in the look in your eyes

in the weary smile you give me

in the words we say

in the words we don’t

in the choice between two words

yes or no

a single word

with a single word

set me free

now

Only I Can Hear

Sat, 23 Oct 2010 15:17:00 -0500

Fuck fuck fuck.

I say this to myself

OUTLOUD

Because I am the only

Person

In this room

Only I can hear

I’m waiting for my dinner

To ding its readiness

Ding

Time to eat

Beep Beep Beep

Time to do something

Knock Knock

Time to -

Not my

Door

Never

Breathless sigh

Only I can hear

Nothing

betterthananapple: Laughing With - Regina Spektor

Thu, 21 Oct 2010 19:46:57 -0500

betterthananapple:

Laughing With - Regina Spektor

If you don't write it down, you don't learn it.

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 11:50:15 -0500

Normal Family One-Liners

Sat, 16 Oct 2010 07:29:00 -0500

Why can’t you be more like your sister?

Can’t you stay out of trouble?

What’s wrong with you?

Where did we go wrong?

I’m sorry I’m not the perfect child you want me to be.

It’s your fault that I am this way.

I’m fucked up because of you.

Why can’t you accept me for who I am?

You’ll get over him.

But he was the love of my life!

I remember when I was young…

You could never understand what I am going through right now.

You don’t appreciate the things we do for you.

Just leave me alone.

But that’s not fair.

Life’s not fair.

I just want you to have the life I never had.

I can’t wait till I get outta here.

Why does our family have to be so screwed up?

Why does our family have to be so screwed up?

the momentous now - three

Sat, 16 Oct 2010 07:26:00 -0500

where we tentatively linger is on the brink of complete bliss and chaos

Distopia and Eutopia coinciding in

in the look in your eyes

in the weary smile you give me

in the kiss I steal

in the words we say

in the words we don’t

in the choice between two words

a single word

with a single word

you can fuck me up

set me free

hold me tight

and let us be

Be all the shit you can’t

stand

Be what you’ve been waiting

for

Be a whole

Be what we both need

now

Be everything in

One moment

What I Would Do For You

Thu, 07 Oct 2010 03:31:00 -0500

I would like to be where you are right now

Holding you in my arms

Transporting all your hurt

Heartache after heartache

Through my fingertips wrapped tightly around your body

White from how hard I hold you close to me

To my arms surrounding your chest

Holding you together,

Containing these feelings between only us two,

Let your hurt make it to my soul where I will beat it again and again

With my heart

With each pulse of your heart, now my heart,

All your misery

Regret after regret

Will be mine

Allow your troubles to seep through your skin

And release into me.

Let me bear the burden.

One time.

So you can remember how happy you used to be.